If You Can’t Say Something Nice….

….then come sit by me!  That wasn’t what I was going to say really. Although I feel like I’m channeling Ouiser this week. I know, I know; Clairee, not Ouiser, said that line in Steel Magnolias and what she actually said was, “Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me.” Now that we have that straight, I really didn’t come here to discuss “Steel Magnolias” with you.  I was actually thinking of the advice, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” when that reminded me of the “Steel Magnolias” quote and somehow I’ve now gone off on a tangent of some sort. Does anyone else but me think of “tangerines” when someone says “tangent”? No? Never mind.

It’s not that I can’t think of anything nice to say. My last post was a Gladitude one, for Pete’s sake. I am blessed beyond measure. I have plenty of reasons to be grateful and joyful and on top of the world. I also have a few reasons to take a step back and just acknowledge my reality right now. No one’s life is free from challenges, and I’m certainly no exception to the rule.

I am not depressed. I’m not without hope. I don’t need a new poem, Bible verse, or encouraging song. By the way, I’m not opposed to any of those…not at all. It’s just that over the past four or more months, I’ve read a LOT of poems, Bible verses, and encouraging songs. Next week, I may be looking for new poems, Bible verses, and encouraging songs. Not this week. My tank is full.

Although I can’t adequately describe my state of being this week, I can list all of its most likely causes. I blame everything from an excess of rainy, cloudy days to the fact that I tend to go into a little bit of a funk right before a move. I have to unplug from this life in this city, and start charging up for a new life in a different city. My process is complicated by the fact that we still don’t know for sure into which city we’ll be plugging ourselves next. Wherever it is, I also have to get a firm grip on the reality that this time next year? If everything happens on schedule? I’ll be preparing for another move to who knows where for another year, or maybe two next time. God’s been faithful through every other move. I know without a shadow of a doubt He’s already showing His faithfulness in this move. We’ll be fine.

My family is adjusting to a new normal. We know that life as we used to know it is forever changed. We’ll always have an MRI in our future. Because of the nature of my dad’s diagnosis, we won’t  get to throw a party this side of the heaven and rejoice in the knowledge that my dad is totally and completely cancer-free. This cancer eventually comes back. Even if God miraculously heals my dad and his doesn’t? We will always have one more scan to be sure. Every few months from now on, we have at least one more test. So, we are learning to be thankful for this day. We’re trusting God for this day. We’re believing and asking Him for this day. Just the one we’re living in right now. And He’ll be faithful to get us through this day.

Like all of the rest of you, I have a lot on my plate. This week, I’ve felt like stepping away from the table for just a few minutes. I know, I know. No dessert until I clean my plate. I’ll finish it. One bite at a time. One day at a time. 

So, right now, I can’t plan a trip for later this summer because I don’t even know what to choose as my departure airport. I can’t buy tickets to the U2 concert this fall because I don’t know which venue would be closest or how many tickets it would be safe to buy. But it’s okay. It really is. It’s just a new “normal” that I’m adjusting to slowly but surely.

I don’t think I’ve ever been “here” before. I’ve been clinically depressed. I’ve been over-the-top happy. I’ve been lots of places in between, but I’m not sure I’ve ever exactly been right here, though. Have any of you? I don’t think I’ll hang anything on the walls just yet. I don’t think I’ll be here long.181968080_5cd7af7788-1 (I just noticed that according to this picture I took from Google Images, “Here” is some place called Nunhead. I am positive that I am NOT here.)

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “If You Can’t Say Something Nice….

  1. I’m sorry. Such trivial sounding words, but still true.

    And I should warn you too, you shouldn’t read my post for today then.;) Because I wrote exactly what you’re not wanting to hear right now. And I COMPLETELY understand. Seriously. And it’s ok. What’s so amazing is that it’s ok with God too. He already knows how we’re feeling so it’s really not a surprise to Him anyway, right?

    But I won’t refrain from saying that
    1) I WILL be praying for you. for your family. for your dad. for your move. for a new normal to happen quickly.

    2) It’s a good thing that all these bloggy friends aren’t goin’ anywhere. Wherever “here” is, they’ll/we’ll still be right in our bloggy places.

    3) You DO look good in yellow. (just had to say it, because it’s a rare thing for someone to actually look GOOD in yellow and not just “acceptable”.)

    Thank you for sharing your heart with us. For allowing us to get to know you just a little more.

    And I know I can speak for your IRL and bloggy friends alike when I say, we’ll be “here” when you step back to the table.:)

  2. As someone who has never lived longer than 7 and a half years in one place (and that was after I was married) I totally understand the “limbo” feeling. Part excitement, part fear and part sadness. Starting to let go of where you are at now, while trying to find your place in where you will be.

    I will keep you in my prayers.

    The great thing about God is that He never lets go of us, even when we feel like we are to tired to keep going.

  3. Leaving and seeing others leave is hard. Not knowing is hard. Scary dr. visits are hard. Praying you are able to hold His hand thru it all.

  4. You are in a hard place. I think you have every right to be in a bit of a “funk” right now. Being a military family, the unknown gov’t moving process (that is never what you think it will be, but always hope for!) is a tough one for me….that “hurry up, now wait” process that I attempt to be prepared for, but always end up lost.

    And since you have quoted my favorite movie of all time…it’s in this unknown place you are in that I always think to myself “I don’t know wether to scratch my watch, or wind my butt.”

    How’s that for quotes and poetry?

    I am praying for you, and your dad and extended family as you make decisions, both professionally and personally. Hang in there…

  5. Dearest Nunhead,

    I would be in kind of a funk, too, if I didn’t know where I was moving.

    Just sayin.

    But I’m glad to know that you know that the funk will pass. And I know that you know that you’re in good Hands. :)

  6. CPQ

    So a pirate walks into a bar….oh, wait, you’ve probably already heard that.

    And you’ve googled all the chicken jokes.

    I’m left with nothing to say. I’ll sit by you anyway.

  7. I don’t mind moving, but the not knowing drives me to nunhead land every time.

    I hope you pass out of this quickly and I hope the move is smooth and easy.

  8. Oh my dear..I have not been in your exact place, but I have been in a very similar place. For about 5 yrs we never knew where we were going to live, G was transferred so often it literally made my head spin. Our house boxes were never unpacked…never, for 5 yrs. We even built a lovely home in Ohio only for G to take a job in MN before the house was finished. Then we built another “almost house” only to have to move again. We would always have to rent places with big garages to store all of our boxes. Life in limbo….it’s hard because you find yourself making all kinds of lists that will or won’t get accomplished. It depended on things….those are the 2 words that describe Nunhead….it depends and limbo.
    I could write more…I didn’t even touch on the part about your dad(the most important part).

  9. I see I need to watch that again today. In fact, I bought this, the best movie ever, on DVD just last week because my VHS was skipping and misbehaving. Can’t have that.

    I’m so glad the email I just sent you was a cheery one.

    We get by with a little help…

    And I’m glad I got you babe. Dont forget, you’ve got me, too.

  10. SnoodleGirl,

    I’ve missed our convos oh so much. I am praying for you and your family…your nerves, your heart, your attitude, your rest, your mind, your family, your everything.

    Team SnoodleBelle ain’t goin’ anywhere…these colors don’t run (don’t think that’d be nice on some netted truckers hat??!!)!

    Walking right alongside you!

    Tiff

  11. Okay….so I’m going to admit my blondeness and say that I studied that picture for a REALLY long time BEFORE I read your caption below it. I was seriously trying to figure out the whole Nunhead thing. And wondered if I was missing a joke. Or a clue. Or a something. I will now flip my ponytail and take my Thighmaster and go home.

    I’m praying for you, girl. I think this week has been a trying one for all of this. We’ll get through it. Because our God is cool like that.

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