Snoodlings

1. Even though sometimes I’m afraid that if I start crying I’ll never stop, so far, I’ve always stopped.

2. It is possible to go from crying so hard that I feel I may never stop to snort laughing in the span of a second.

3. Emotions are weird and sadness has many more layers than I ever realized (See #1 & #2).

4. Every time I’ve felt like I couldn’t live through one more minute of this, the next minute has come to find me still breathing.

5. Hearts can be broken and still work.

6. I’m stronger than I thought I was (See #4).

7. My family is stronger than I even knew.

8. Never underestimate the power of a good friend.

9. I have the best friends in the world.

10. I am greatly loved by my family, my friends, and my God (even when I don’t understand what He’s doing).

11. I don’t want to go through this anymore, but I know that somehow, some way, somewhere we’ll be okay eventually because….

12. God is in the pothole.

13. Potholes have a way of refocusing priorities. Stuff that seemed important really isn’t.

14. I can’t get 2 Corinthians 4:7-18 out of my head. Even though we aren’t being tortured because of our faith, I think I can still the truth of those verses to our present circumstances.

15. This list isn’t finished. I have a feeling I have more lessons to learn here.

We’re hoping that my dad will get to go home today. I’ve made a few new friends here over the last few weeks who may not know what’s going on with my dad. I’ve written about it here more times that I’ve wanted to. This post and this post are just two that tell about my dad’s cancer and will at least give you a little bit of background information. Thanks for your prayers. I appreciate them more than you know (See #9.).

I’m glad I made a Gladi/GratiTuesday list this week. I needed to start off my week on a thankful theme because it’s been a rough road ever since. I feel like I’ve run into, over, and through a lot of these characters:

I laugh to keep from screaming and pulling every single highlighted and lowlighted hair out of my head. My dad’s in the hospital. We spent the entire day, which stretched into the evening, waiting for answers and a doctor’s visit that never came.  We’re supposed to have a meeting this morning with the doctor and will hopefully get some answers. But last night, I went to bed exhausted, frustrated, anxious, scared, sad, and mad as fire.

Yet everything on my list from Tuesday is still true even on this cloudy, 100%-chance-of-rain Thursday. So as I get ready for a new day with new challenges, I’m holding fast to the truths that do not change. I’m resting in the assurance that God’s already been through this day so nothing about it will catch Him the least bit off guard.

Maybe you’re facing a rocky road (without the marshmallows) today, too. What do you say, we cowgirl/cowboy up, get ready for the fight of our lives, and then hide behind our Daddy and let him lead us into the battle? I’m saying a prayer for you and the potholes on your path today as click “publish” on this post. Feel free to offer one on my behalf as you read it.

*I wanted to make the post a play on words based on that snappy little Ricky Martin song.  Hey, I tried.

Today is Kellie from La Vida Dulce’s birthday.

We’re real-life friends, you know.

Sus introduced us when I was visiting North Carolina this summer.

If I were asked to  describe Kellie in three words, first I would panic. I hate those kind of questions. But then I’d probably say: wise, graceful, and classy. I forget that I’m older than she is, not because I look younger than Kellie, because I don’t, but because she’s wise beyond her years. She has the best quotes that she finds in places like books of Puritan prayers and by people like Kempis. Southern Living has great recipes but it’s lacking in the blogworthy quote department. Maybe I should step up my reading game. She’s one of those Proverbs 15:23, “right word at the right time” kind of friends that I’m blessed to have in my life. She’s very crafty (the Martha Stewart kind, not the deceptive kind) and makes the most beautiful aprons, plus she’s a “recipe sharer“, which I find to be a very endearing quality for a friend to have. You really should meet her. She’s the kind of friend with whom you want to share secrets over coffee, someone you want as your tutor to become a better keeper of home and hearth, and really the kind of woman other women want to be when they grow up.

Go visit her blog and leave birthday greetings. I’m sure that if you’ve never visited before, you’ll want to go back again. While you’re there, encourage her to open that etsy shop she’s been talking about lately.

Have a wonderful day, LaVida Coffee Gal! I’m so very blessed to know you!

The title only works if you read it in your best British, Hayley Mills as Pollyanna accent. Try it again. See what I mean?

On the Tuesdays that she blogs, my friend Gretchen usually makes a list of reasons she’s glad and grateful, her gladitudes for the week. It’s been awhile since I joined her so I thought I’d make my own list today.

1. I’m glad for my friend Gretchen who came up with this fun idea.  I could say a lot more about my friend Gretchen (I’ve had her name legally changed in my mind to add “my friend” as a permanent attachment.) but there’s no crying in baseball or Gladituesday, so I’ll just say that I forget that we’ve never actually been in the same room at the same time. She has become a very real and very dear friend and I love that she reminds me that, yes, Pollyanna, there’s always something to be glad about.

2. I’m glad Aunt Darlene and Ashley are here for a visit. Yes, THAT Aunt Darlene and her daughter flew in yesterday and fun is sure to ensue.

3. I’m glad that while they are here we will eat good food. I have my stack of fun recipes to try and they brought some of their own. In my family, food and fun are Siamese twins who must never be separated.

4. I’m glad that at last night’s soccer game, my daughter made four or five saves when it was her turn to be the goalie!  I think maybe she’s starting to get the hang of this game!

5. I’m glad that even though her brother with the same birthday is not enthusiastic about soccer, he doesn’t let that stop him from enjoying the game. He spent most of last night’s game on the sidelines chasing his girl teammates around the flag and lying on his back doing leg stretches. At halftime I asked him what the score was and he said, “Zero.” To be fair, maybe he really was paying attention. Zero was indeed the number of goals his team had scored and unfortunately, that score held for the second half as well.  But again, a good time was had by all.

6. I’m glad that my state is participating in fall this year. In the past we’ve been known to boycott and stubbornly hold on to temperatures in the 80s through the autumn months. I’ve worn shorts on Thanksgiving more than once. I can’t say that we won’t have a few more summer-like days, but it’s been nice to enjoy some cool mornings and beautiful sunny afternoons.

7. I’m glad that I had a good catch-up conversation with one of my Massachusetts friends last week. Life’s been so busy and calling to check in has been on my To Do list for some time. Thankfully, my friend took the initiative and we were able to catch up on several months’ worth of news in a reasonably short time. It was just as I suspected it would be. Fifteen seconds into the conversation and it felt as if we’d talked every single day since I left. I’m so thankful that I have so many friendships that have been strong enough to stand the test of time and distance.

8. I’m glad for fiction. That may sound crazy, but I’m so glad that people make up stories and write them down so that I can have a place to escape from time to time.  Right now, I’m especially grateful for Jan Karon and her little town of Mitford.  My brain’s default mode is very thinky. I’ve discovered that if I spend a few minutes in another story before I go to sleep, I can usually turn off some of the thoughts that try to keep me awake. The Mitford series has been wonderful for me.  The characters are sweet and quirky and I can relax in Mitford. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I finish the series.

9. I’m glad for my family. I’m glad all my birds are back in the nest.  I’m glad I have the three most precious baby birds God ever created. I’m glad for a husband who has been very understanding of the many moods I’ve had over the last few days weeks months. We’ve both had to make sacrifices for each other this year. His job requires a great deal of patience on my part. My current life situations and family drama require a great deal of understanding on his. That we are leaning on each other rather than shoving each other under our respective oncoming buses is a testimony to the power of a God who can do marriage miracles. We’re still a work in progress, but I’m so glad we chose to gut out those hard days and let God do major surgery on both of our hearts. It is an unbelievable feeling to be able to reap just a few benefits of the hard work that our marriage has been.

10. I’m glad that God never changes. I do. My emotions were all over the map last week. I did not feel very stable. I am taking great comfort in the fact that God’s not moody and that He is the safest place for me to be. I’m so glad that it’s okay for me to be honest with Him. I’m so glad that He is honest with me. I can trust Him and it’s very reassuring to know that He is consistently Who He is.

So, I’m glad today. For these ten things and for many, many more. I hope you’re glad today, too. Want to tell me one reason you’re glad today? Or ten. I have time.

He came back. That’s his head peeking out the side of the bus door. See the orange between him and the boy with the cap and the red shirt? That’s his little brother who couldn’t wait until Big B was completely off the bus before he gave him the hug he’d been saving all weekend.

Yes, he’s back safe and sound. He was wearing the same shirt that he had on when he left…and the same socks….and the same underwear, Only the pants had changed. His towel and washcloth were bone dry and neatly folded and packed in his suitcase just as I’d placed them there, along with the empty garbage bag that I’d sent for his dirty clothes. His neck was covered with black streaks, leftover “war paint” from a game they’d played the night before.

He was dirty, but happy and full of memories of a “super fun” weekend. We haven’t heard many of his stories yet. He fell asleep the minute his leaf-covered backside hit the seat of the car. Over the course of the evening he gave us bits and  pieces of the adventures he had this weekend, but for the first time in the almost nine years that he’s been on this earth, he was actually looking forward to bedtime.

Last night he was back in the nest with the other baby birds. When I went in his room for one last look before I went to bed, I watched my sleeping boy and breathed a prayer of thanks to his Protector. And another deep heartfelt prayer of gratitude for the opportunity to love and even miss this sweet gift from God.

I’ve never thought of myself as fearful. I enjoy a good adventure. I’m a certified scuba diver, I’ve bungee jumped several times, I have made over ninety skydives, and I’ve traveled to Africa. I’ve really never been much of a worrier. I think I tend to take the path of least resistance and since worrying takes a great deal of mental energy, I’ve just tended not to do it and sometimes get annoyed with people who fret over every little thing. I’ve always thought that my carefree existence was because I have a strong faith. Sure, I’ve been through difficult times, but God has always seen me through to His best plan for me.

So why did my internal “freakout alarm clock” go off this week when my son was given the opportunity to go on a fall retreat with third through fifth graders from our church? Instead of being excited for him, my mind was filled with mental pictures of every possible thing that could go wrong and a million excuses of why he shouldn’t go. Plus I was sad that he would get to experience some very fun “firsts” and I wouldn’t be there to share them with him. K’s out-of-town and I have some other commitments so I couldn’t go along to chaperone. Several of my friends are going as leaders and they’ve promised they’d watch out for him, but I want to be the one to be with him.

How did he get old enough to go to a spend away retreat away from his mom, for crying out loud? When did this happen and who let it?

The retreat center sounds like so much fun. They have hiking trails, and a zip line, and horses. Good grief, this sounds like a dangerous place! What am I thinking let him do this? What if he gets hurt? What if he gets homesick? He’s still my little boy who needs to sleep with his Kitty.

My friends have been laughing at my apprehension this week and I’ve wondered where all this angst is coming from. And then last night on the way to the mandatory parents’ meeting everything became clear. I think I’m more fearful about everything right now because after several months of having my life turned upside down and inside out, I’ve realized how very vulnerable I am. Even though I knew that difficult times were always a possibility, and even though I’ve had bad times, I’ve never had to deal with as many scary monsters as I’ve had to face this past year. My security has been shaken to its core and I’ve learned that what I thought was faith in God may partly have been faith that God wasn’t going to demand too much from me. But now it feels like all bets are off. I see now that God can love me and still allow me to experience loss and pain beyond what I’ve ever imagined. And so when I think about sending this goofy little face away from my line of sight, I feel afraid.Tonight I was thinking about those first nights as a new mom. I would watch him sleep in his bassinet beside my bed. I would watch for the rise and fall of his little chest and would sometimes hold my fingers close to his nose and mouth just to make sure he was still breathing. I felt like if I took my eyes off of him for just one second, something terrible could happen. The weight of bearing the responsibility of another life was overwhelming at times. But I was so very tired. I remember praying, “Dear God, I need to close my eyes. Please watch Him for me and make sure that He keeps breathing so I can sleep for just a few minutes.” As if my wakefulness caused the air to go in and out of his little lungs! Before too long, I was able to relax and realize that these little people don’t belong to me. They are just gifts God’s let me love for a little while.

I think I’m beginning to understand why God put so many “Fear not” verses in the Bible. This world is a scary, scary place. If I let my thoughts wander too far these days, the fear could take my breath away. In the middle of my hyperventilations, I hear Him whisper, “Fear not, Amy” (I’m not sure if He calls me Whimzie or not). Don’t be afraid. Cast all your cares on Me, because I care for you.”

So tonight, once again, I resign as the Keeper and Controller of the Universe. I recognize that I never really was in control anyway and I rest in the knowledge that I do not have to be afraid, because God is with me. And he will be with my blessing of a baby boy this weekend and with my precious daddy and my wonderful mama and my sweet brother and my incredible husband and my amazing daughter and her unbelievable twin brother…and with you, sitting there at your computer. I don’t know what’s scaring you right now, but I know there’s a “Fear not” with your name on it. No matter what happens to us, He will see us through it. Believe and be brave.

I didn’t make it back to the blog yesterday. It was a busy day that turned into a hectic evening which led to an eventful night/morning. Most of it was good stuff, except for the night/morning events. My oldest climbed into bed with us at 3:30 this morning. He felt warm so after a 4 a.m. trip to CVS to buy a working thermometer (apparently the thermometers were packed with the spoons), I was able to ascertain that we have sickness in the house. K, is of course leaving town this afternoon. Not because of the fever; this is a scheduled trip. But timing is everything! So I packed the two healthies off to school and I’m home with the feverish one, hoping he feels better soon and very soon.

While he watches Lilo and Stitch, I’ll show you some pictures from Monday night’s soccer game.

A&B both had the opportunity to play goalie for part of the game. A, being a great multi-tasker like her mom, was able to play goalie AND cheer on her team.

But don’t think that she didn’t take her role very seriously:

Unfortunately, even with that impressive stance, this happened a few times:

Oops!

Then it was B’s turn to be the goalie:

It’s a lonely job there at the goal. It gets boring, too. To pass the time, it’s fun to work on your Riverdance moves:

But then the action heads your way and that’s when the fun really starts! (Looking for B? He’s the smiley face head in the middle of the picture):

But soccer is more than just getting to be the goalie. You have to always be ready to kick the ball:

It’s nice to congratulate a teammate for a job well done:

I have no earthly idea where they learned to do the knuckle knock:

Sometimes teammates need to be motivated:

It’s also nice to just hang out with friends:

Having family and friends on the sidelines is a HUGE encouragement:

Whether you win or lose, it’s important to be gracious to the other team:

On this particular occasion, we lost. I don’t even know what the score was. We scored one goal and I stopped counting after they scored six…on A. Just kidding. They didn’t score more than four or five goals on A. The good news? I don’t think our team knows they lost. They had a great time and are looking forward to playing again this weekend.

So it’s official. I’m a minivan driving soccer mom. I know that if you ask me in a few Saturdays if I’d rather be sleeping I’ll have to weigh my words very carefully. But this season will pass all too quickly…and I’m not just talking about soccer season. I’m going to enjoy watching them play “find the ball” and will relish the chances I have to yell encouragement (and directions to the correct goal) from the sidelines.

But today, I have a sick boy who needs a nurse and who is trying desperately to get well so he doesn’t miss his first soccer game this weekend. I’ll be back soon to tell you about the Day of the Doughnuts and Ducks brought to you by the letter “K.”  I know, I know. It will make sense when I tell you the whole story.

Happy Middle of the Week Day!

We had our first soccer game last night. My original plan was to get back from the game and post some pictures so you could share in the fun. However, I know now that being a soccer mom is exhausting, what with all the cheering and encouraging and such. By the time all the kids were bathed and in bed, I was ready to fall into a pile somewhere, so I did.

This morning the kindergarten classes are celebrating the phonogram “k” which says “kuh” as in Krispy Kreme, so we’re taking a field trip to Krispy Kreme. Guess who was the first mom to sign up as a chaperone volunteer? We don’t normally go to kindergarten on Tuesdays or Thursdays so this is an added bonus for us! We’re supposed to play at Duck Pond Park after but the weather may not cooperate.

All of the above is to say that I’ll be back hopefully later today to regale you with stories of my life as a soccer mom and doughnut eater, but you’ll just have to wait. I know, I know, it’s like waiting to find out who shot J.R. (just dated myself with that pop culture reference!) all over again, but you’ll just have to bite the bullet and persevere. I have to go make breakfast. Too bad we don’t have any poptarts. Speaking of poptarts, watch this while you’re waiting:

The following conversation took place inside my head early Sunday morning:

I’m awake. Why am I awake? Is it today yet? Wait. I guess it’s always today. What time is it? Where’s my alarm clock?

Is that a 3? It’s either a 3 or a 5. If it’s a 3 maybe I’ll have time to fall back to sleep. Yeah. It’s a 3.

It’s 3:30.

Is that night or day? I don’t think it’s either. Am I even awake? Maybe I’m not aw—What was that?!

Someone’s in the attic. Why is someone in the attic? Are we being robbed? Should I wake up K?

If we’re being robbed, that is a very unstealthy burglar. And he must have very small feet. And a propensity to scamper. I don’t think that’s a grown-up.

Why are the kids in the attic? We haven’t had a sleepwalker in a long time. Wait. What’s that scratching sound?! That’s not a kid. I just trimmed everyone’s nails.

Lord love a duck. There’s an animal in my attic!

It’s probably a squirrel. It’s a squirrel, right? Well, what else it could be? Raccoon? Skunk? Oh, that would be nasty! What if it’s a skunk?! How in the world would you get a skunk smell out of your house?! Paint it with tomato juice? How much tomato juice would you have to buy to paint a house? Wait a minute. How would a skunk get on the roof to climb in the attic. It’s not a skunk. This place is crawling with squirrels. It’s a squirrel.

Unless….

What if it’s a rat?! Oh great oogly moogly. This would be exactly what I deserve. Last week when Sus was telling that sweet story about Travis and the rat didn’t I get all sappy with my “Get Travis the rat, Susan” and “Rats aren’t that bad if they’re your own rats, Susan.” Well, that’s NOT MY RAT!

It’s not a rat. It’s a squirrel. Or it’s a very big rat. No it’s a squirrel. Ha. That’s funny. Sus has squirrels in her attic, too. What did she say they had to do? Something about a trap? That doesn’t sound good. That’s weird that we both have squirrels in our attic. What are the odds? I’ll bet you could Google and find out what the odds are.

And why would it be better for it to be a squirrel instead of a rat? They’re both rodents! Squirrels just have prettier tails.

Well, it found it’s way in, maybe it will get out the same way.

Or what if it gets lost? And it dies up there? *Gag* Do I smell dead squirrel? Not likely, Goofy. No way would it have died and decomposed in the last five minutes.

Maybe I should go in the attic and see if I can see it.

And then what, Einstein? Invite it down for chai and a pecan sandy? I don’t even have any pecan sandies. I have Vanilla Wafers. I could serve them with a side of peanuts. Since squirrels are all about the nuts.

What if it’s rabid? What if I open the attic door and it attacks my face? Like the killer rabbit in Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail! Or what if it escapes from the attic and gets lost in the house somewhere? That would be the worst game of hide and seek ever!!

What is it doing up there?! It sounds like it’s chewing something. Is it eating all of our stuff?!  I’ll bet it’s pooping. What does squirrel poop even look like? Again, I could Google. I have enough to clean up without worrying about squirrel poop. Maybe I should just be very quiet until he goes away. I certainly don’t want to scare more poop out of him.

If it’s a he.

What if it’s a she? And she’s pregnant?

What if she picked our attic as the place to give birth to her little squirrel babies? What if a family of squirrels takes up residence in our attic? Is it even squirrel baby season? Do they have a season for that?

I wonder who the Base calls to take care of squirrels. Oh, no! What if they call this guy?! I don’t want to end up on his show with my squirrel problems! That would be so embarrassing. And then everyone would see our junky attic! I really need to clean out the attic.

But now I can’t.

Because of the squirrel.

It sounds like he/she has settled down. Maybe he left.

Nope. There he is again. Is he chewing through the ceiling?! Wait a minute. This room has a/c vents in the ceiling. Could he poop through that thing? OR WORSE, could he ESCAPE into here through that thing?

He’s quiet again. Maybe he’s sleeping. Squirrels aren’t nocturnal, are they? I mean I always see them during the day. I’ll Google it.

Okay. If he’s quiet for five minutes, he’s probably through walking around up there for the night. I’ll just lie here for five minutes and then I’ll try to go back to sleep.

Four minutes and forty-five seconds and he starts chewing again. Seriously? Are you kidding me?  I think he’s taunting me. WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?!?!

Oh, look. It’s nine minutes until my alarm’s going to go off. Might as well just get up. No way will I fall to sleep in that…..

ZZzzzzz

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Hello, Sunday. At least I don’t hear the…..Nope. He’s still there.

So what have we learned today, class?

A. Whimzie is a light sleeper.

B. Whimzie has a vivid and warped imagination.

When we apply some algebra to the equation,

A +  B = Heebie Jeebies + No Sleep

I think it’s going to be a squirrelly week!